ZaCker DeZines

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Sorry to those who view my blog yesterday, and found nothing new posted.
Really sorry, Was busy with my mosaic projects and other projects.
Today will be going BBQ. So I post some jokes before I went out.
Hope you all will enjoy and laugh, cause I did :D

Pension

The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.

When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."

The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop the pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"

The general replied, "In Vietnam."

Big House

there was a big house with a big swimming pool and a very pretty young lady who likes to swim naked every evening without fail. in her garden lives two worms that are stiff bored and wanted to do something adventures.

so worm A said to worm B this evening we are going to do something very adventures together, we`ll wait for the young lady to swim in her pool then we`ll tag on her and follow her home,

so that evening when the young lady go for her swim in the pool the two worms rushed in the pool and try to climb up onto her, since she was swimming too fast both worms got separated. worm A end up in her front hole and worm B end up in her rear hole.

3 days later both worms meet and tell each other about their little adventure,
so worm A asked worm B what happen to him, he then said his adventure is not as he expected, he end up in a cave he says, and it stinks like ****, worm A told him that his adventure was a nasty one, on his first day while he was wondering in the cave which he landed out of nowhere a fierce dragon enters the cave and try to attack him till he was pushed against the wall many times over, i was pissed by the dragon and and bite the dragon, then the dragon spit on me with a powerfull shots, after the dragon leaves i told myself to be prepared and the moment if the dragon came back i will be ready to spit back on it, true enough the second day it came back, when the dragon reach in i spit at it with all my might after a while i discover that my effort is meaningless, worm B ask why is that so, worm A reply, the damn dragon wears a raincoat.

Wrong Gift with the right words

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!

All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

Last but not least, my new FAVOURITE JOKE OF THE MONTH

A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this problem, only you’ve got to promise not to laugh.”

The doctor replies, “Of course I won’t laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “OK then,” says the man, and he drops his trousers.

The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest x he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor.

Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he says to the patient, “I don’t know what came over me. I won’t let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?” The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, “It’s swollen.”

DeZined @ 8:30 PM
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