"Undertaker"

Grand, an undertaker in Pennsylvania came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I had a terrible day," replies Grand.

"I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.

Anyway, I find the room and, sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I did what I always do; I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see," says his wife. "But how did you get the black eye?"

Grand replies, "Wrong room!"

"Kids in school think quick"

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow.'
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
__________________________________________________ _________

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L'
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GL ENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
__________________________________________________ _________

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you ! always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE : All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.'
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?'
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________ ________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Three Wishes

yeah, some ting to do nw since im bored.. enjoy

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.

They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and Complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

I goin school already, gonna be late :D
Maybe will post tonight stay tune.
By the way, My Nuffnang earning is ZERO, no matter how many people have clicked.
Anyone know why?

Enjoy~ 

"Generous Lawyer"

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

This joke here is dedicate to all those girls that only look at appearances.

"Impossible to Please"

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. 

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." 

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. 

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. 

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." 

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. 

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. 

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

See? Appearances are not enough to satisfy girls LOL(No offence)
Hope my number of female viewers won't drop cause of this T.T
Good Jokes are harder to find lately, those who have please share with me okay.
Can either add me at Msn or email me :D
Would appreciate your efforts to spread laughter

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Son of a Bitch

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." 

Priest: "What have you done my child?" 

Girl: "I called a man a son of a btch." 

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a btch?" 

Girl: "Because he touched my hand." 

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) 

Girl: "Yes father." 

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a btch." 

Girl: "Then he touched my bre@st." 

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her bre@st) 

Girl: "Yes father." 

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a btch." 

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." 

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) 

Girl: "Yes father." 

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a btch." 

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." 

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) 

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" 

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a btch." 

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" 

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BTCH!!!"

Pension

The general replied, "In Vietnam."

Big House

there was a big house with a big swimming pool and a very pretty young lady who likes to swim naked every evening without fail. in her garden lives two worms that are stiff bored and wanted to do something adventures.

so worm A said to worm B this evening we are going to do something very adventures together, we`ll wait for the young lady to swim in her pool then we`ll tag on her and follow her home,

so that evening when the young lady go for her swim in the pool the two worms rushed in the pool and try to climb up onto her, since she was swimming too fast both worms got separated. worm A end up in her front hole and worm B end up in her rear hole.

3 days later both worms meet and tell each other about their little adventure,
so worm A asked worm B what happen to him, he then said his adventure is not as he expected, he end up in a cave he says, and it stinks like ****, worm A told him that his adventure was a nasty one, on his first day while he was wondering in the cave which he landed out of nowhere a fierce dragon enters the cave and try to attack him till he was pushed against the wall many times over, i was pissed by the dragon and and bite the dragon, then the dragon spit on me with a powerfull shots, after the dragon leaves i told myself to be prepared and the moment if the dragon came back i will be ready to spit back on it, true enough the second day it came back, when the dragon reach in i spit at it with all my might after a while i discover that my effort is meaningless, worm B ask why is that so, worm A reply, the damn dragon wears a raincoat.

Wrong Gift with the right words

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!

All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

Last but not least, my new FAVOURITE JOKE OF THE MONTH

A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this problem, only you’ve got to promise not to laugh.”

The doctor replies, “Of course I won’t laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “OK then,” says the man, and he drops his trousers.

The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest x he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor. 

Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he says to the patient, “I don’t know what came over me. I won’t let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?” The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, “It’s swollen.”

Man's purpose

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said,

The man replied, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

Answering Service At The Mental Institute

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."

A man crosses the border everyday to do his work.

Everyday, he brings along with him a sack of sand and rides on his bicycle.
The guard at the border asks him, " What do you have in that sack?"
He replies "Nothing, just sand."

The guard thinks that the man is smuggling drugs through the sand, and detains him, sending his bag to the lab for checking. But in the end, the checks tell that it is only sand in the sack, This goes on for 1 month, with the guard stopping the man everyday, confident that he is smuggling something through, the border, but the checks on the sand are unable to prove it.

One day, the guard meets the man at the bar. The guard has been drinking alot, and is drunk. 
He asks the man, " I know you're smuggling something, I just don't know what. Could you tell me, I promise that i won't arrest you."

The man replies, " Bicycles" 


Hide-and-Seek

A boss dialled employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle:

"Me."

Ok firstly, this post is no offence to any of the gals out there viewing it ya.
For the guys, you might think it pretty true and funny.

Geography of a woman

Between 18 and 22 a woman is like Africa... half discovered , half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 23 and 30 a woman is like America... well developed and open to trade, especially for high financed investors.

Between 31 and 45 a woman is like India... very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty

Between 46 and 55 a woman is like France... gently aging but sensual, 
with an appreciation for the finer things

Between 56 and 60 she is like Yugoslavia... lost the war, haunted by past mistakes and in need of massive reconstruction

Between 61 and 70 she is like Russia... wide and unpatrolled borders, with a frigid climate that keeps people away

Between 70 and 80 a woman is like Mongolia... a long, glorious and all-conquering past, but not much of a future

From 80 on, a woman is like Afghanistan... everyone knows where it is, 
but no one wants to go there

Oops..Wrong Number

A guy dials his home number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" 

"This is the maid," answered the woman. 

"We don't have a maid!" 

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." 

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" 

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." 

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" 

"What do I have to do?" 

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with." 

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. 

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" 

"Throw them in the swimming pool!" 

"What pool?" 

"Uh..... Is this 832-4821?"

The next 2 days will be very busy for me, but I will still try to find time to post if it possible.
So stay tune for more.

Tag and click!

Okay Don't say always words and no pictures at all. 
Found one picture of some one IC, I found his name damn funny and interesting
This happens when  your parents like Marvels Super Heroes alot.

Billing 

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. 

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. 

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. 

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

For those who are driving, and caught when speeding . Use this to avoid a fine~ :D 

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in* the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who own*s this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly su*rrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense si*tuation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in i*t?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in th*e glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body i*n it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him yo*u didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that ther*e was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying son of a bitch. told you I was speeding, too!

Muffins

Two muffin are in a toaster oven

First muffin says: 'Boy its hot in here'

Second muffin says: 'i don't believe it! a talking muffin'

Animal Test

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a 
picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one 
raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What 
animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good 
Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. 
None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on 
this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and 
says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next 
she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized 
the animal.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"

Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's 
something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I Love the way this old guy handled it.


An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the
Desk.....The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The Receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?' 

There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

Firstly, I would like to apologise for yesterday for not  posting. cause I really busy with things.Today post is about ah bengs, no offence to all the ah bengs out there. Not me who create this jokes so don't come find me LOL :D

Ah Beng taking Night Class

Ah Beng went to take night courses so that in future he can get promotion
or a better job. During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about 
his knowledge.
Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months already,
next week is the exam.
Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck ah.

Then Ah Beng started show off...

Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell? 
Ah Seng: Don't know.
Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take night courses,
you would know this!
Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless* 

The next day, Ah Beng shows off again...

Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one ah?
Ah Beng: No! He's the author of "Confessions"; nah nah nah... told you 
already, if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless + frustrated*

The next day, once again...

Ah Beng: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Ah Seng: Your gay partner?
Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know, don't simply answer la. He's the
author of "The 3 Musketeers"; if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless + frustrated + irritated

This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand) anymore and asks Ah Beng... 

Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who Ah Kow is?
Ah Beng: Errrr... No!
Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses,
you would know this!!
Ah Beng: ........................ *fainted*

Ah Beng's Business Venture(Part 1 )

There were 4 Ah Bengs. They decided to start a business.

They decided to start an auto garage.

They bought the best of car servicing equipment and manpower.

The 4 Ah Bengs waited that day for the car to arrive but no car entered their garage.

They waited for 1 day,2 days, a week for the car to arrive but no car came to their garage.

WHY?

Because their garage was on the second floor.LOL

Ah Beng Business Venture (Part 2 )

After this failure they decided to try good old taxi driving.

They bought a new London Cab & began to look for passengers.

They drove past Orchard Road but nobody hailed their taxi.

They went to Changi Airport yet nobody hailed their taxi.

They even drove to Serangoon Road, even nobody hailed their taxi

.In desperation they kept on driving all around Singapore but alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY?

Because all the four Ah bengs were sitting in the taxi.

Ah Beng's business Venture (Part 3)

After the 4 Ah Bengs were very disappointed with their fate & decided to push their taxi into the sea.

They started pushing their taxi.

They push the whole day & were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.

They decided to rest for a while & started to push again.

The taxi just wouldn't move.

WHY?

Because 2 Ah Bengs were pushing the front & 2 from behind.

Ah Beng Becoming Father

Ah Beng looked very depressed, so Johny asked him, "What's with you?"

Ah Beng replied, "My girlfriend Ah Lian very angry with me lah."
"Why ?"

"She pregnant lah."
"Didn't you take any precaution?"
"YES I got !"
"Well then, youv'e got to bite the bullet, don't you ?" asked Johny.
"If baby mine OK. But baby not my one man!"

"No shit! Are you saying Ah Lian … I can't believe it."said Johny



"No man no. Ah Lian OK. What happen we went MacRitchie, then I want, then
she say must use condom, but I don't have. So ehhh . . ." "I think the
baby is yours alright," Johny assured Ah Beng.
"No man no lah. Ah Lian say must use, so I look around, saw one nearby, so
I pick it up, turn it round and recycle."

Ah Beng taking Lift(ver.A)

One day, Ah beng and Ah seng went to malaysia for holiday.
When they reached the holiday, book-in and after that going out to shop.
They take the lift.

*In the Lift*

Ah Seng: Oi! How come bo 1st Floor one?
(On the lift panel ' 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,G')

Ah Seng: Walao sim mi Hotel lai eh? So lousy.

*Ah Beng press G* 

And when reached first floor.

Ah Seng : Wah Ah Beng, you so smart sia.

Ah seng: How you know G equal 1st Floor?

Ah Beng: Aiya, very easy de G = ' Gao liao ma ' 

Ah Beng taking lift (ver.B ) 

One day, Ah beng and Ah seng went to malaysia for holiday.
When they reached the hotel B, book-in and after that going out to shop.
They take the lift.

*In the Lift*

Ah Seng: Oi! How come bo 1st Floor one?
(On the lift panel ' 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,L')

Ah Seng: Walao sim mi Hotel lai eh? So lousy.

*Ah Beng press L* 

And when reached first floor.

Ah Seng : Wah Ah Beng, you so smart sia.

Ah seng: How you know L equal 1st Floor?

Ah Beng: Aiyoh, you very dumb leh L means ' LAO KA ' 

Okay, I figured out that most of the time I updated my blog in the middle of the night =.="
So~~~~
here one in the afternoon :D i mean 2 jokes..

Your Zipper is Down

A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper is down, and his fly wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, 
"Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door."

This is not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done with his paper work, he 
suddenly notices that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood. He 
then intentionally went out to ask a cup of coffee from his secretary. 

He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw garage door open did you see my jaguar park in 
there?" 

The secretary smiles for a moment and said, "No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tyres."

88


A blonde walks along a sidewalk late at night and sees a redhead muttering to herself, over and over again, "88, 88, 88, 88, 88..."

The blonde becomes immensely interested in what the redhead is doing, and watches her for a full 20 minutes.

Finally, the redhead stops. The blonde starts to ask: "Can I do that too?" with a big smile.

The redhead says, "Sure." in a friendly tone.

So, together, they chant, "88, 88, 88, 88.."

After 5 minutes, the redhead stops and says, "You know what would be more fun? If you stood in the middle of the road and do this, it'll really be more fun! =D" the redhead says with a big smile.

The blonde says, "Ok!!" and skips gaily to the middle of the road.

"88, 88, 88, 88..." the blonde goes.

After a minute, a speeding car rushes along and bangs down the blonde, killing her instantly.

The redhead starts to chant.

"89, 89, 89, 89, 89..."

that all for now, maybe will be posting 1 -2 more jokes at night :D

'Click and tag ' 

Ok, I decided to make this blog, 2 joke or 1 interesting fact per day.
Or else the fun would be over fast. So stay tune for more okay..Although now only got 1 audience -.- Hope more will come to have your share of laughs in this blog :D

Escape Prison Guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

3 Dead Guys and a devil

Three guys were killed instantly in seperate accidents. At the gates to Heaven, they meet the Devil. 

The Devil said, "Ask me any question. If I can't answer it, you go to Heaven. If not, to Hell you go!" 

The first guy is a Mathematician who presented a very complicated mathematical question. In half a heartbeat, the Devil got the answer, "And to Hell you go!" The Mathematician went to hell. 

The second guy is a Scholar, "Tell me of the latest teachings of Socrates." The Devil gave a full hour lecture on the teachings and the Scholar dejectedly admitted defeat. "To Hell ya go!" said the Devil and the Scholar indeed was sent to hell. 

The last is a Taxi Driver, "Give me a stool and a drill." The Devil give him what he asked. The Taxi Driver drilled seven holes and let off a fart, "Which hole did I just farted though?" 

The Devil thought hard and pointed to the middle hole. The Taxi Driver said, "WRONG! IT'S FROM MY A$$H*LE!"

And so, the Taxi Driver went to Heaven!

Tricks for Exam?

A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions. 

The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false. 

The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out. 

Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely. 

The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on. 

"Well, I finished the exam in half an hour," said the student, "but I thought I ought to recheck my answers."
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There is time and people you can guai lan with, But never guai lan with a judge.LOL.

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.

The next day the man went before the judge.

The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?"

The man said, "Here and there."

The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?"

The man said, "This and that."

The judge then said, "Take him away."

The man said, "Wait, judge when will I get out?"

The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later."

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Eldery Couple

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

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There is a saying ' shen bu dai lai, si bu dai qui'. But there is still people who are persistent on such things. See~

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you'll put it in the casket."

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn't put the money in there."
"I did promise him I would," the widow answers.

"So I got it all together, deposited it in my account, and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

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Funny Snake

There where two snakes talking.

The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.

Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"

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Stupid CEO

Who says CEO is always capable and smart?

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - "and how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $
200.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams - "here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - "does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters - "Pizza delivery guy".

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Smart Pills?

One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.

The boy asked hid Dad, ''What are these Pop?''
''They're smart pills son,'' said his father.
''Eat them and they'll make you smarter."

So he ate them and said, ''Yuck...these taste like poop!''

''See,'' said his father, ''you're already getting smarter!''

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That's all for today, Hope everyone who watching this blog. 
Have your laugh :D 
Remember to Tag Okay? 
So I know got people Viewing, to keep me motivated to blog