First. Sorry to those who been following my blog although I hasn't been posting this week.
I am really busy. Starting from today, I will try to draw out at least some part of my time
to bring joy and laughter to you all ya :D
Ok, now is JOKE time. Know you all wait long long le hahas
Ancient Chinese Torture
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a very old Chinese man with a long, grey beard.
"I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old given her father's age, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.
Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty pathetic," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the large rock, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
High Quality Equal High Price
A man and his wife go to Las Vegas for the first time.
When they arrive at their hotel, the wife asked about all the beautiful young women standing around the lobby.
The man said, "Those are hookers. Prostitution is legal in Nevada." The wife was skeptical, but they continued on to their room. The man finally ended the discussion by saying, "O.K. You hide in the bathroom, and I'll call and have one sent up." She agreed, and hid in the bathroom. The man called the front desk and asked for an escort to be sent up. A few minutes later, a beautiful young woman came to the door. The man asked her, "So, what's the going rate nowadays?" She answered, "$300.00." "Whoa! I wasn't planning on spending that much!" he said. She asked how much he had planned on spending. "$20.00" he said. Insulted, the woman left.
So the man and his wife decided to go down to the hotel casino and play the slots. On the way down in the elevator, it stopped and the same young woman got on. She said to the man, "See what $20.00 gets you?"
Murder trial
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door."
"Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but your client didn’t!"
That all for today, Busy busy~