ZaCker DeZines

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Nun in the Bathroom

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

Elephants, they never forget

The circus came to town and after the trapeze artists, clowns,acrobats and the lions and tigers had been on it was the turn of the elephant.

The trainer made a big thing of how the elephant would only respond to his commands and his alone and if anyone could make the elephant do something he would give them £100.
So this punter comes down from the audience and said he could make the elephant sit down.The trainer said he doubted but go ahead anyway.
The punter took a short run and kicked the elephant in the nuts and with a whoosh the elephant sat down.

The trainer was not at all happy but not as unhappy as the elephant, as he reluctantly handed over the cash.

Time goes by and ten years later same circus, same elephant, same act but with inflation the ante has been upped to £500

Trainer again says about the elephant only acting on his commands but the same punter gets down into the ring and says he will make the elephant nod his head,shake his head and then sit down.
He promised the trainer he would not hurt the elephant.

He whispered in the elephant's ear for a minute or so and the the elephant nodded his head ,shook his head and sat down.

The trainer was amazed and as he handed the money over he asked the punter what he had said to the elephant.
The punter told him he had said to the elephant,doyou remember me and the elephant nodded his head.
He also said do you want another kick in the nuts? the elephant shook his head.

Well you had better sit down then.

Little Boy in a Whorehouse

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"(I basically LOL out)

Today feeling a bit more moody, so decided to put more jokes
To cheer others up and myself :D
Hope you all enjoy; remember to tag and click

DeZined @ 7:39 AM
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