L-O-L

2010-03-03T10:34:00.000-08:00

asd

2009-07-31T21:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry for my inactive-ness

Because of a blogger error, I can't post pictures or video for a long period of time.

Really sorry, hope you all audience are still around.

Here are some funny videos :D Enjoy

Will be active as much as possible from now onwards..

Don't let Laughters die out ya

This video is funny if you ever seen a female tennis match before LOL

If you see this video, and you didn't laugh after 5 secs come find me I treat you drink.

Facial Orchestra

But, it fake LOL.

Funny Translated Videos

2009-07-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry for being inactive again.
let hope my viewers are still around T.T
Anyway, start on a new channel, VIDEOS

As Usual, 3 videos is enough and I shall end with 1 last Joke :D
Ever think that business and marketing logics are hard to learn?
Here a example for better understanding.

BUSINESS LOGICS

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son: 'I will choose my own bride!'

Father: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'

Son: 'Well, in that case...ok'

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'

Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!'

Father: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.'

Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case...ok'

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'

President: 'But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!'

Father: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'

President: 'Ah, in that case...ok'

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude
should be positive

What is Marketing?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and say, 'I am very rich. Marry me!'

That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.

One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, 'He's very rich. Marry him.'

That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and get her telephone number.

The next day you call and say, 'Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me...'

That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.

You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.

You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, 'By the way, I'm very rich 'Will you marry me?'

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.

She walks up to you and says, 'You are very rich, I want to marry you.'

That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.

You go up to her and say, 'I'm rich. Marry me'

She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback.

2009-07-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

EDITING IN PROCESS

MAINTENANCE

Tired

2009-07-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

Owner is feeling tired from all his problems
But still you all de supports give me energy :D
So here the rewards
P.s Sorry for inactive posting :(

Store Policy

CUSTOMER: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT: Do you have a dog?
CUSTOMER: Yes.
CHECKOUT: Where is he?
CUSTOMER: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the customer returns.
CUSTOMER: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT: Do you have a cat?
CUSTOMER: Yes.
CHECKOUT: Well...where is he?
CUSTOMER: He's at home!
CHECKOUT: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the customer returns.
CHECKOUT: What's in the sack?
CUSTOMER: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
CUSTOMER: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

Lie Detecting Robot

One day Kyle’s dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, “Son why are you late from school?”

Kyle answered, “Dad, we had extra classes today”.

Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on his face.

His dad told him, “Son this robot is special in that it can detect a Lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth.

Why are you late?”

“Dad, I went to a movie”

“Which movie?”

“The Ten Commandments”

Immediately, Kyle got a slap on the face from the robot.

“Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen”.

“Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved”
Immediately, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing the last sentence, Kyle’s mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, “After all he is YOUR son!!!”

To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle’s mother a resounding slap on her face!

Teaching the child

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."

P.s ( Didn't notice the title is not bolded, if I not posting means I finding funny stuff or too busy)

Apologies* I'M BACK~

2009-07-07T08:32:00.000-07:00

First. Sorry to those who been following my blog although I hasn't been posting this week.
I am really busy. Starting from today, I will try to draw out at least some part of my time
to bring joy and laughter to you all ya :D
Ok, now is JOKE time. Know you all wait long long le hahas

Ancient Chinese Torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a very old Chinese man with a long, grey beard.

"I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old given her father's age, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty pathetic," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the large rock, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

High Quality Equal High Price

A man and his wife go to Las Vegas for the first time.

When they arrive at their hotel, the wife asked about all the beautiful young women standing around the lobby.

The man said, "Those are hookers. Prostitution is legal in Nevada." The wife was skeptical, but they continued on to their room. The man finally ended the discussion by saying, "O.K. You hide in the bathroom, and I'll call and have one sent up." She agreed, and hid in the bathroom. The man called the front desk and asked for an escort to be sent up. A few minutes later, a beautiful young woman came to the door. The man asked her, "So, what's the going rate nowadays?" She answered, "$300.00." "Whoa! I wasn't planning on spending that much!" he said. She asked how much he had planned on spending. "$20.00" he said. Insulted, the woman left.

So the man and his wife decided to go down to the hotel casino and play the slots. On the way down in the elevator, it stopped and the same young woman got on. She said to the man, "See what $20.00 gets you?"

Murder trial

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door."

"Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but your client didn’t!"

That all for today, Busy busy~

Couple

2009-07-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry for being gone for such a long long time :D
Really busy with works,projects and studies.
Anyway, I discover that my blog most of the time is only jokes.
Which make it super wordy =.="

I always wonder what if I have a girlfriend?
Will she be good to me?
I not sure, to those out there that have a girlfriend
See if you saw a familiar situation below :D
(p.s please click to get the full screen view )

2009-06-28T03:43:00.001-07:00

Ok, back from competition defeated :(
But we did our best, difference in 14 points.
1st round : 12 points different ( Nervous-ness in team cause most of us first timer)
2nd round : 2 points different ( We did our best)
Well done Team Ez~ Please Don't disband :(
Especially you Ah pek, dun go running off to other team.

Now~
Back to Joke time :D

"Undertaker"

Grand, an undertaker in Pennsylvania came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I had a terrible day," replies Grand.

"I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.

Anyway, I find the room and, sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I did what I always do; I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see," says his wife. "But how did you get the black eye?"

Grand replies, "Wrong room!"

"Kids in school think quick"

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow.'
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
__________________________________________________ _________

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L'
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GL ENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
__________________________________________________ _________

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you ! always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE : All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.'
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?'
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________ ________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

2009-06-26T20:49:00.001-07:00

Owner is busy with Game compeitition this week. Will Post ASAP when I am free :D
Sorry for not able to make you all laugh for this week :(

2009-06-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, specially thanks to Yufei for his/her help :D
This is contribute by him/her.
P.s I don't know you guy or girl sorry

Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

Three Wishes

yeah, some ting to do nw since im bored.. enjoy

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.

They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and Complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

I goin school already, gonna be late :D
Maybe will post tonight stay tune.
By the way, My Nuffnang earning is ZERO, no matter how many people have clicked.
Anyone know why?

2009-06-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, really busy busy busy this whole weeks.
Projects Pouring into my life daily!
But still the worlds goin round and turning
So why Should my jokes stop coming?Right? :D

Enjoy~

"Generous Lawyer"

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

This joke here is dedicate to all those girls that only look at appearances.

"Impossible to Please"

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

See? Appearances are not enough to satisfy girls LOL(No offence)
Hope my number of female viewers won't drop cause of this T.T
Good Jokes are harder to find lately, those who have please share with me okay.
Can either add me at Msn or email me :D
Would appreciate your efforts to spread laughter

2009-06-22T01:41:00.000-07:00

Have been busy with projects and assignments.
So hardly blog this few days.
And it harder to find funny jokes, cause you all have the best here :D
But I will do my best to find more jokes.

Hunters

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Son of a Bitch

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a btch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a btch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a btch."

Girl: "Then he touched my bre@st."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her bre@st)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a btch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a btch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a btch."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BTCH!!!"

2009-06-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

OWNER IS BRAIN DEAD FOR THE TIME BEING.
SEARCHING FOR MORE JOKES IN THE MEAN TIME.
IF ANY ONE HAVE MORE JOKES AND INTERESTING STUFFS TO SHARE.
PLEASE SEND IT TO MY EMAIL. ANDYCHENG_90@hotmail.com. Aligato:D

EDITED

2009-06-18T20:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry to those who view my blog yesterday, and found nothing new posted.
Really sorry, Was busy with my mosaic projects and other projects.
Today will be going BBQ. So I post some jokes before I went out.
Hope you all will enjoy and laugh, cause I did :D

Pension

The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.

When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."

The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop the pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"

The general replied, "In Vietnam."

Big House

there was a big house with a big swimming pool and a very pretty young lady who likes to swim naked every evening without fail. in her garden lives two worms that are stiff bored and wanted to do something adventures.

so worm A said to worm B this evening we are going to do something very adventures together, we`ll wait for the young lady to swim in her pool then we`ll tag on her and follow her home,

so that evening when the young lady go for her swim in the pool the two worms rushed in the pool and try to climb up onto her, since she was swimming too fast both worms got separated. worm A end up in her front hole and worm B end up in her rear hole.

3 days later both worms meet and tell each other about their little adventure,
so worm A asked worm B what happen to him, he then said his adventure is not as he expected, he end up in a cave he says, and it stinks like ****, worm A told him that his adventure was a nasty one, on his first day while he was wondering in the cave which he landed out of nowhere a fierce dragon enters the cave and try to attack him till he was pushed against the wall many times over, i was pissed by the dragon and and bite the dragon, then the dragon spit on me with a powerfull shots, after the dragon leaves i told myself to be prepared and the moment if the dragon came back i will be ready to spit back on it, true enough the second day it came back, when the dragon reach in i spit at it with all my might after a while i discover that my effort is meaningless, worm B ask why is that so, worm A reply, the damn dragon wears a raincoat.

Wrong Gift with the right words

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!

All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

Last but not least, my new FAVOURITE JOKE OF THE MONTH

A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this problem, only you’ve got to promise not to laugh.”

The doctor replies, “Of course I won’t laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “OK then,” says the man, and he drops his trousers.

The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest x he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor.

Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he says to the patient, “I don’t know what came over me. I won’t let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?” The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, “It’s swollen.”

2009-06-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

Man's purpose

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said,

"I want the men to make two queues. One queue for the men who were true heads
of their household, and the other queue for the men who were dominated by their women.
I want all the women to report to St Peter."

Soon all the women were gone and there were only the two queues of men.
The queue of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 kilometers long, and
in the queue of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head
of your household! You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose!
Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this queue?"

The man replied, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

Answering Service At The Mental Institute

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."

Erm...I would appreciate viewers to give a name :D
So at least I know who viewing, and maybe can be friends if you all want that is.
But if you all want to stay as anonymous, that okay with me as well :D
Click and tag thanks

2009-06-16T08:51:00.001-07:00

Ok, Owner is tired after a whole day of outing with classmates.
So today will be only 2 jokes, hope you all enjoy it :D

Smuggling

A man crosses the border everyday to do his work.

Everyday, he brings along with him a sack of sand and rides on his bicycle.
The guard at the border asks him, " What do you have in that sack?"
He replies "Nothing, just sand."

The guard thinks that the man is smuggling drugs through the sand, and detains him, sending his bag to the lab for checking. But in the end, the checks tell that it is only sand in the sack, This goes on for 1 month, with the guard stopping the man everyday, confident that he is smuggling something through, the border, but the checks on the sand are unable to prove it.

One day, the guard meets the man at the bar. The guard has been drinking alot, and is drunk.
He asks the man, " I know you're smuggling something, I just don't know what. Could you tell me, I promise that i won't arrest you."

The man replies, " Bicycles"

Hide-and-Seek

A boss dialled employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle:

"Me."

2009-06-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

Ok firstly, this post is no offence to any of the gals out there viewing it ya.
For the guys, you might think it pretty true and funny.

Geography of a woman

Between 18 and 22 a woman is like Africa... half discovered , half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 23 and 30 a woman is like America... well developed and open to trade, especially for high financed investors.

Between 31 and 45 a woman is like India... very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty

Between 46 and 55 a woman is like France... gently aging but sensual,
with an appreciation for the finer things

Between 56 and 60 she is like Yugoslavia... lost the war, haunted by past mistakes and in need of massive reconstruction

Between 61 and 70 she is like Russia... wide and unpatrolled borders, with a frigid climate that keeps people away

Between 70 and 80 a woman is like Mongolia... a long, glorious and all-conquering past, but not much of a future

From 80 on, a woman is like Afghanistan... everyone knows where it is,
but no one wants to go there

Oops..Wrong Number

A guy dials his home number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What pool?"

"Uh..... Is this 832-4821?"

The next 2 days will be very busy for me, but I will still try to find time to post if it possible.
So stay tune for more.

Tag and click!

2009-06-14T03:44:00.000-07:00

Okay Don't say always words and no pictures at all.
Found one picture of some one IC, I found his name damn funny and interesting
This happens when your parents like Marvels Super Heroes alot.

Billing

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

For those who are driving, and caught when speeding . Use this to avoid a fine~ :D

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in* the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who own*s this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly su*rrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense si*tuation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in i*t?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in th*e glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body i*n it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him yo*u didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that ther*e was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying son of a bitch. told you I was speeding, too!

Laugh, laugh, laugh

2009-06-13T05:10:00.000-07:00

Muffins

Two muffin are in a toaster oven

First muffin says: 'Boy its hot in here'

Second muffin says: 'i don't believe it! a talking muffin'

Animal Test

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a
picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one
raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What
animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good
Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.
None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on
this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and
says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next
she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized
the animal.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"

Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's
something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I Love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the
Desk.....The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The Receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'

There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

Ah Beng Jokes

2009-06-12T02:49:00.001-07:00

Firstly, I would like to apologise for yesterday for not posting. cause I really busy with things.Today post is about ah bengs, no offence to all the ah bengs out there. Not me who create this jokes so don't come find me LOL :D

Ah Beng taking Night Class

Ah Beng went to take night courses so that in future he can get promotion
or a better job. During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about
his knowledge.
Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months already,
next week is the exam.
Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck ah.

Then Ah Beng started show off...

Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell?
Ah Seng: Don't know.
Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take night courses,
you would know this!
Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless*

The next day, Ah Beng shows off again...

Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one ah?
Ah Beng: No! He's the author of "Confessions"; nah nah nah... told you
already, if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless + frustrated*

The next day, once again...

Ah Beng: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Ah Seng: Your gay partner?
Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know, don't simply answer la. He's the
author of "The 3 Musketeers"; if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless + frustrated + irritated

This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand) anymore and asks Ah Beng...

Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who Ah Kow is?
Ah Beng: Errrr... No!
Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses,
you would know this!!
Ah Beng: ........................ *fainted*

Ah Beng's Business Venture(Part 1 )

There were 4 Ah Bengs. They decided to start a business.

They decided to start an auto garage.

They bought the best of car servicing equipment and manpower.

The 4 Ah Bengs waited that day for the car to arrive but no car entered their garage.

They waited for 1 day,2 days, a week for the car to arrive but no car came to their garage.

WHY?

Because their garage was on the second floor.LOL

Ah Beng Business Venture (Part 2 )

After this failure they decided to try good old taxi driving.

They bought a new London Cab & began to look for passengers.

They drove past Orchard Road but nobody hailed their taxi.

They went to Changi Airport yet nobody hailed their taxi.

They even drove to Serangoon Road, even nobody hailed their taxi

.In desperation they kept on driving all around Singapore but alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY?

Because all the four Ah bengs were sitting in the taxi.

Ah Beng's business Venture (Part 3)

After the 4 Ah Bengs were very disappointed with their fate & decided to push their taxi into the sea.

They started pushing their taxi.

They push the whole day & were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.

They decided to rest for a while & started to push again.

The taxi just wouldn't move.

WHY?

Because 2 Ah Bengs were pushing the front & 2 from behind.

Ah Beng Becoming Father

Ah Beng looked very depressed, so Johny asked him, "What's with you?"

Ah Beng replied, "My girlfriend Ah Lian very angry with me lah."
"Why ?"

"She pregnant lah."
"Didn't you take any precaution?"
"YES I got !"
"Well then, youv'e got to bite the bullet, don't you ?" asked Johny.
"If baby mine OK. But baby not my one man!"

"No shit! Are you saying Ah Lian … I can't believe it."said Johny

"No man no. Ah Lian OK. What happen we went MacRitchie, then I want, then
she say must use condom, but I don't have. So ehhh . . ." "I think the
baby is yours alright," Johny assured Ah Beng.
"No man no lah. Ah Lian say must use, so I look around, saw one nearby, so
I pick it up, turn it round and recycle."

Ah Beng taking Lift(ver.A)

One day, Ah beng and Ah seng went to malaysia for holiday.
When they reached the holiday, book-in and after that going out to shop.
They take the lift.

*In the Lift*

Ah Seng: Oi! How come bo 1st Floor one?
(On the lift panel ' 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,G')

Ah Seng: Walao sim mi Hotel lai eh? So lousy.

*Ah Beng press G*

And when reached first floor.

Ah Seng : Wah Ah Beng, you so smart sia.

Ah seng: How you know G equal 1st Floor?

Ah Beng: Aiya, very easy de G = ' Gao liao ma '

Ah Beng taking lift (ver.B )

One day, Ah beng and Ah seng went to malaysia for holiday.
When they reached the hotel B, book-in and after that going out to shop.
They take the lift.

*In the Lift*

Ah Seng: Oi! How come bo 1st Floor one?
(On the lift panel ' 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,L')

Ah Seng: Walao sim mi Hotel lai eh? So lousy.

*Ah Beng press L*

And when reached first floor.

Ah Seng : Wah Ah Beng, you so smart sia.

Ah seng: How you know L equal 1st Floor?

Ah Beng: Aiyoh, you very dumb leh L means ' LAO KA '

I post more today since yesterday didn't post at all.
The last 2 jokes is hear from 93.3 de thought that it quite funny so I post :D

2009-06-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, I figured out that most of the time I updated my blog in the middle of the night =.="
So~~~~
here one in the afternoon :D i mean 2 jokes..

Your Zipper is Down

A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper is down, and his fly wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said,
"Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door."

This is not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done with his paper work, he
suddenly notices that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood. He
then intentionally went out to ask a cup of coffee from his secretary.

He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw garage door open did you see my jaguar park in
there?"

The secretary smiles for a moment and said, "No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tyres."

88

A blonde walks along a sidewalk late at night and sees a redhead muttering to herself, over and over again, "88, 88, 88, 88, 88..."

The blonde becomes immensely interested in what the redhead is doing, and watches her for a full 20 minutes.

Finally, the redhead stops. The blonde starts to ask: "Can I do that too?" with a big smile.

The redhead says, "Sure." in a friendly tone.

So, together, they chant, "88, 88, 88, 88.."

After 5 minutes, the redhead stops and says, "You know what would be more fun? If you stood in the middle of the road and do this, it'll really be more fun! =D" the redhead says with a big smile.

The blonde says, "Ok!!" and skips gaily to the middle of the road.

"88, 88, 88, 88..." the blonde goes.

After a minute, a speeding car rushes along and bangs down the blonde, killing her instantly.

The redhead starts to chant.

"89, 89, 89, 89, 89..."

that all for now, maybe will be posting 1 -2 more jokes at night :D

'Click and tag '

2009-06-09T07:39:00.000-07:00

Nun in the Bathroom

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

Elephants, they never forget

The circus came to town and after the trapeze artists, clowns,acrobats and the lions and tigers had been on it was the turn of the elephant.

The trainer made a big thing of how the elephant would only respond to his commands and his alone and if anyone could make the elephant do something he would give them £100.
So this punter comes down from the audience and said he could make the elephant sit down.The trainer said he doubted but go ahead anyway.
The punter took a short run and kicked the elephant in the nuts and with a whoosh the elephant sat down.

The trainer was not at all happy but not as unhappy as the elephant, as he reluctantly handed over the cash.

Time goes by and ten years later same circus, same elephant, same act but with inflation the ante has been upped to £500

Trainer again says about the elephant only acting on his commands but the same punter gets down into the ring and says he will make the elephant nod his head,shake his head and then sit down.
He promised the trainer he would not hurt the elephant.

He whispered in the elephant's ear for a minute or so and the the elephant nodded his head ,shook his head and sat down.

The trainer was amazed and as he handed the money over he asked the punter what he had said to the elephant.
The punter told him he had said to the elephant,doyou remember me and the elephant nodded his head.
He also said do you want another kick in the nuts? the elephant shook his head.

Well you had better sit down then.

Little Boy in a Whorehouse

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"(I basically LOL out)

Today feeling a bit more moody, so decided to put more jokes
To cheer others up and myself :D
Hope you all enjoy; remember to tag and click

2009-06-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, I decided to make this blog, 2 joke or 1 interesting fact per day.
Or else the fun would be over fast. So stay tune for more okay..Although now only got 1 audience -.- Hope more will come to have your share of laughs in this blog :D

Escape Prison Guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

3 Dead Guys and a devil

Three guys were killed instantly in seperate accidents. At the gates to Heaven, they meet the Devil.

The Devil said, "Ask me any question. If I can't answer it, you go to Heaven. If not, to Hell you go!"

The first guy is a Mathematician who presented a very complicated mathematical question. In half a heartbeat, the Devil got the answer, "And to Hell you go!" The Mathematician went to hell.

The second guy is a Scholar, "Tell me of the latest teachings of Socrates." The Devil gave a full hour lecture on the teachings and the Scholar dejectedly admitted defeat. "To Hell ya go!" said the Devil and the Scholar indeed was sent to hell.

The last is a Taxi Driver, "Give me a stool and a drill." The Devil give him what he asked. The Taxi Driver drilled seven holes and let off a fart, "Which hole did I just farted though?"

The Devil thought hard and pointed to the middle hole. The Taxi Driver said, "WRONG! IT'S FROM MY A$$H*LE!"

And so, the Taxi Driver went to Heaven!

Jokes of 5th June

2009-06-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

Tricks for Exam?

A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions.

The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false.

The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out.

Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely.

The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on.

"Well, I finished the exam in half an hour," said the student, "but I thought I ought to recheck my answers."
__________________________________________________________________

There is time and people you can guai lan with, But never guai lan with a judge.LOL.

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.

The next day the man went before the judge.

The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?"

The man said, "Here and there."

The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?"

The man said, "This and that."

The judge then said, "Take him away."

The man said, "Wait, judge when will I get out?"

The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later."

_______________________________________________________________

Eldery Couple

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

_____________________________________________________________

There is a saying ' shen bu dai lai, si bu dai qui'. But there is still people who are persistent on such things. See~

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you'll put it in the casket."

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn't put the money in there."
"I did promise him I would," the widow answers.

"So I got it all together, deposited it in my account, and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

_____________________________________________________________

Funny Snake

There where two snakes talking.

The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.

Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"

______________________________________________________________

Stupid CEO

Who says CEO is always capable and smart?

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - "and how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $
200.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams - "here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - "does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters - "Pizza delivery guy".

_____________________________________________________________

Smart Pills?

One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.

The boy asked hid Dad, ''What are these Pop?''
''They're smart pills son,'' said his father.
''Eat them and they'll make you smarter."

So he ate them and said, ''Yuck...these taste like poop!''

''See,'' said his father, ''you're already getting smarter!''

_______________________________________________________________

That's all for today, Hope everyone who watching this blog.
Have your laugh :D
Remember to Tag Okay?
So I know got people Viewing, to keep me motivated to blog

Obsession

2009-04-27T09:57:00.002-07:00

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.

“You all have obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

He turned to the second Mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go.”

Who in Charge?

2009-04-27T09:57:00.001-07:00

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually the one in charge.

Prostitue Parrots

2009-04-27T09:55:00.002-07:00

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquires.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responds.

The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Money Or Woman?

2009-04-27T09:55:00.001-07:00

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!"

Jokess

2009-04-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

This is a joke specially prepared for those who didn pay attention in class called:

Observation( Mine Favorite)

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered by a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and sucked on his finger.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
_________________________________________________________________

Misunderstanding

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw,and spots another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but thenoise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language.

He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning,"need",and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and shouts," What the f*ck is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!" The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell
you I'm coming."
_________________________________________________________________

Battle

2009-04-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

Condom Vs Kotex

Condom says to Kotex,
"When you work, I lose seven days of business."

Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine months

_________________________________________________________________

Camel Vs Elephant

A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have your **** on your back?"

The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!"

_________________________________________________________________

Singapore Vs Franch

The Americans were very proud that they were the first to use copper telephone wires. They dug 10 metres and found copper wires in use by their ancestors.

Not to be outdone, the French dug 100 metres and found fibre optics! See, we French people were using fibre optics 100 years ago!

The Singaporeans were unimpressed. MM Lee ordered his government officials to dig. They dug 10 metres and found nothing. They dug 100 metres and also found nothing. They decided to dig 1000 metres and also found nothing!

Anyway, MM Lee said: Well, this shows that 1000 years ago, we were already using wireless!

_________________________________________________________________

Paos Vs Mee

Char Siew Pao and Mee Kia got involved in an argument. Char Siew Pao got very angry and shouted at Mee Kia, "I'm going to find my gang to hantam you!"

So Char Siew Pao went to round up Leng Yong Pau and Tau Sar Pow.

Just then, Maggi Mee walked around the corner. Immediately, the Paos started to beat him up.

As Char Siew Pao was punching Maggi Mee, he shouted, "Don't think just because you perm your hair, we can't recognize you, ok!"

__________________________________________________________________

Chinese Vs Americans

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese”. “Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”

Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”

The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”

More jokes

2009-04-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

Ok..been in a joke less mood nowadays..
But still it the jokes that make me happy again.
here the jokes for today, enjoy~

This Donkey(Singlish joke)

One weekend evening, a well-dressed couple stepped into a fancy French Restaurant. The gentleman was in his tux and the lady was in fur

The maitre d’ assigned the couple a table with a personal waitress, Jackie.

As soon as the couple sat down, Jackie asked the gentleman what they would like to have for their entrée.

The gentleman said. “I would like to have the Foie Gras de canard and this donkey here will have the Salad.”

Jackie was surprised by what the gentleman said and was even more surprised at how the lady reacted to what her gentleman friend said. The lady was just sitting there quietly. Jackie shook off the surprise and went to make the order

After serving the entrée, Jackie waited quietly until they finish their entrée. As she was clearing the dishes, she asked the gentleman what they would like for the main course.

The gentleman said, “I think I will like to have the Filet de Boeuf and this donkey can have the Filet de Daurade.”

Jackie was again shocked by what the gentleman said and the lady’s lack of reaction.

After the couple finished their main course, Jackie asked the gentle man what they would like for their dessert.

The gentleman said, “I will like a chocolate sorbet and give this donkey an ice-cream.”

Jackie couldn’t resist any more and asked the lady,” Excuse me mam, but how can you sit there quietly while this gentleman keep insulting you?

The lady calmly looked at her………

and then said, “ Yeh lor,…. He ho always like that one lah!… He ho always too much one lah!...... He ho very bad… He ho always so rude lor….. He ho……..

__________________________________________________________________

Every wonders those budget airline,
how is their services? Check it out..

t was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the South.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked
the man seated in front of me.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

__________________________________________________________________

We all have those time where we dunno how to 造句 when we are young.
How do we get out of that situation?
Maybe you can learn from them..hahas
one generation better than one generation.

小学生造句

1.题目: 原来
小朋友写: 原来他是我爸爸。
老师评语: 妈妈关切一下

2.题目: ..一边........... 一边 ............ ..
小朋友写: 他一边脱衣服 ,一边穿裤子.
老师评语: 他到底要脱还是要穿啊~~

3.题目: 其中
小朋友写: 我的其中一只左脚受伤了。
老师评语: 你是蜈蚣？~~

4.题目: 一... 就....
小朋友写: 一只娃娃就要一百块。
老师评语: 老师笑到不行..

5. 題目: 你看
小朋友写: 你看什么看! 没看过啊

6. 照样造句
例题: 你 (唱歌) 我(跳舞)
小朋友写 : 你(好吗 ) 我(很好)
老师评语: 你在写英文翻译吗??

7.照样造句
例题: 别人都夸我( )，其实我( )
小朋友写: 别人都夸我( 很帅 )，其实我( 是戴面具的) 。
老师评语 : 什么面具这么好用???

8.题目: 好... 又好..
小朋友写: 妈妈的腿,好细又好粗...!
老师评语: 那到底是细还是粗？

9. 题目 : 陆陆续续
小朋友写: 下班了，爸爸陆陆续续的回来。
老师评语: 你到底有几个爸爸呀?

10.题目: 皮开肉绽
小朋友写: 停电的夜晚，到处很黑，我吓得皮开肉绽!
老师评语: 看到这句... 老师佩服你。

11.题目: 欣欣向荣-比喻生长美好的样子。
小朋友写: 我的弟弟长得欣欣向荣。
老师评语: 孩子，你弟弟是植物人吗 ...
还有一个更瞎的…
小朋友写: 欣欣向荣荣告白。
老师评语: 连续剧不要看太多~~

12. 题目: 谢谢....因为 ......
小朋友写 : 我要谢谢妈妈,因为她每天都帮我写作业......
老师评语: 原来你的作业是妈妈写的!!!!!!!
13.题目: 难过
小朋友写: 我家门前有条水沟很难过。
老师评语 : 老师更难过......

14. 题目: 天才
小朋友写: 我３天才洗一次澡。
老师评语: 要每天洗才干净~~

15.題目: 一… 便 …
小朋友写: 我一走出门，对面就是便利商店。
还有一個更瞎的…
小朋友写: 哥哥一吃完饭，就大便。
老师评语: 造句不要乱造...

16. 題目: 又..... 又 .....
小朋友寫: 我的妈妈又矮又高又瘦又肥。
老师评语:你妈妈......是怪物吗?

17果然
上课小朋友说：昨天我吃了水果，然后又喝了凉水
老师：这是词组，不能分开造句。
小朋友又说：老师，我还没说完呢，果然晚上我拉肚子了！
老师：…………

18 瓜分
小朋友：大傻瓜分不清是非
老师：小傻瓜也分不清

19 好吃
小朋友：好吃个屁
老师： ………

20 况且
小朋友：一辆火车经过，况且况且况且况且．．．．．
老师：……………

_________________________________________________________________

Is faithful always a good thing?

"You're Always By My Side"

A man was walking across the road when he met with an accident. The
impact was on his head which caused him to be in a coma for 2 days.
When he opened his eyes, his wife was by his side.
He told her (in tears), "When I was struggling with my studies in the
University, I failed again and again. Sometimes I even have to
re-take my papers. You were there by my side, encouraging me to go on trying."

She squeezed his hands as he continued, "When I went for major
interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there,
cutting out the job ads for me to apply..."
He added, "then I started working in this little firm and finally got
a big contract. I blew it because of a small mistake. But you are
still there for me." His wife was in tears.

The man said, "I finally got a job after being laid off for quite
some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not
recognized. I remained in the same position from the day I joined the
company till now.

You are still beside me..."

His wife's tears trickled down as she listened to him, "And now I met
with an accident and when I woke up, you are here with me."
"There's something I'll really like to say to you..."
She flung herself on the bed and hugged her husband, sobbing with
deep emotion. Finally her husband said,
.....................
.........................
................................
........ ...................................
.................................................. ..
.................................................. ...........
"I think you bring me bad luck."

_________________________________________________________________

Funny Horoscope Jokes

2009-04-07T09:32:00.001-07:00

For those who understand Chinese:

羊座
妈妈经常叮嘱羊羊： "穿裙子时不可以荡秋千；不然，会被小男生看到里面的小内裤哦！ "
有一天，羊羊高兴地对妈妈说： "今天我和小明比赛荡秋千，我赢了！ "
妈妈生气地说： "不是告诉过你吗？穿裙子时不要荡秋千！ "
羊羊骄傲地说： "可是我好聪明哦！我把里面的小内裤脱掉了，这样他就看不到我的小内裤了！ "
（勇敢直率、敢做敢为的白羊）

金牛座
卖瓜小贩：" 快来吃西瓜，不甜不要钱！"
饥渴的牛牛："哇！太好了，老板，来个不甜的！ "
（持家、想出轨又顾全自己的金牛）

双子座
妈妈叫双双起床： "快点起来！公鸡都叫好几遍了！ "
双双说： "公鸡叫和我有什么关系？我又不是母鸡！ "
（自我意识强烈、自行思维的双子）

巨蟹座
公车上，蟹蟹说：" 今晚我要和妈妈睡！"
妈妈问道："你将来娶了媳妇也和妈妈睡阿？ "
蟹蟹不假思索： "嗯！ "
妈妈又问： "那你媳妇怎么办？ "
蟹蟹想了半天，说： "好办，让她跟爸爸睡！"
妈妈：" ！＠＃＄％︿＆＊（……—"
再看爸爸，已经热泪盈眶啦！
（恋母情结、依恋的巨蟹）

狮子座
狮狮去参加奶奶的寿宴。到了吃寿包的时候，狮狮问： "我们为什么要吃这种像屁股的寿包？ "
众人听了脸色大变。
接著狮狮拨开寿包，看看里面的豆沙，说： "奶奶，快看！里面还有大便！ "
众人晕的晕，吐的吐。
（以自我感受、不怕旁人眼光的骄傲的狮子）

处女座
处处对肚脐很好奇，就问爸爸。
爸爸把脐带连著胎儿与母体的道理简单地讲了一下，说： "婴儿离开母体之后，医生把脐带减断，并打了一个结，後来就成了肚脐。 "
处处： "那医生为什么不打个蝴蝶结？ "
（好奇心强又追求完美的处女）

天秤座
父亲对天天说：" 今天不要上学了，昨晚．．．你妈给你生了两个弟弟。你给老师说一下就行了。"
天天却回答："爸爸，我只说生了一个；另一个，我想留著下星期不想上时再说！ "
（聪明、权衡利弊的天平）

天蠍座
蠍蠍刚睡著，就叫蚊子叮了一口。
他起来赶蚊子，却怎么也赶不出去。没法，便指著蚊子说：" 好吧，你不出去我出去！" 边说边出了房间，把门使劲关严得意地说：" 哼！我今晚不进屋，非把你饿死不可！"
（搞不懂、不按常理出牌的天蝎）

射手座
射射： "爸爸，为什么你有那么多白头发？ "
爸爸： "因为你不乖，所以爸爸有好多白头发阿。 "
射射： ……（疑惑中）
射射：" 那为什么爷爷全部都是白头发？"
爸爸：！＠＃＄％︿＆＊（……
（喜欢思考的射手）

摩羯座
一天，羯羯跟妈妈上街；走在路上，突然下起雨来。
妈妈拉过羯羯的小手，说： "下雨了，快往前跑阿！"
羯羯慢条斯理地问： "那前面就不下雨喽！？"
（明白现实懒得改变的摩羯）

水瓶座
瓶瓶问妈妈： "问什么称蒋先生为『先人』？ "
妈妈说： "因为' 先人' 是对死去的人的称呼。"
瓶瓶说：" 那去世的奶奶是不是要叫『鲜奶』？"
（天生的另类、脑筋思考永远和常人不一样的水瓶）

双鱼座
爸爸给鱼鱼讲小时候经常挨饿的事。
听完後，鱼鱼两眼含泪，十分同情地问：" 哦，爸爸，你是因为没饭吃才来我们家的吗？"
（富含丰富同情心、不分情况对象的双鱼）

For those who don't understand Chinese
I will try to Sub it when I have the extra time.

World Coolest Bus-Stop

2009-04-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

Ever think that waiting for a bus at our typical Bus stop is so boring and nothing to do..
Or if You think that our bus-stop already quite cool?
Take a Look at this!

Stamp Bus-stop

Comfortable Bus-Stop

Stone-Age Bus-Stop

Star War Edition

Home Edition

Shopping Mall Style

Play-Ground Style

Street Skating Style

The MOST ARTISTIC AWARD GOES TO:

And Finally My Favorite and any one who wanna stand at this Bus stop

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Jokes Part 2

2009-04-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

Each man gives a story

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

Ok.. This is another flight that cannot be taken like that AIR INDIA
here..take a look..hahas

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

"That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

There have been many cases of Child custody nowadays..But most of the times the winner are the woman right? Here a tips for the Guys to win the cases..

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

....He Won....

Ok tired from posting too much..later than post more again.=)
Pls help to spread laughter to your friends thank you~

Jokes Part 1

2009-04-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

Ever wonders? What if you need to be knowledgeable to enter Heaven?
Check this out!

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

Ok..enough of the Heaven.. Let start about Hell..
Who say Satan is bad? At least he welcome every member by giving them a choice.
Or not?

This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.

So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "No, please show me the next room".

Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again.

Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.

So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"

Silence Treatment

2009-04-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

FBI ordering pizzas

2009-04-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

Ok..shall post today when I am free..So just 1 small jokes before I off..

FBI agents conducted a raid of a San Diego psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping the hospital.

Agent: "Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda."

Pizza Man: "And where would you like them delivered?"

Agent: "We're over at the psychiatric hospital."

Pizza Man: "To the psychiatric hospital?"

Agent: "That's right. I'm an FBI agent."

Pizza Man: "You're an FBI agent?"

Agent: "That's correct. Just about everybody here is."

Pizza Man: "And you're at the psychiatric hospital?"

Agent: "That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas."

Pizza Man: "And you say you're all FBI agents?"

Agent: "That's right. How soon can you have them here?"

Pizza Man: "And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI Agent?"

Agent: "That's right. We've been here all day, and we're starving."

Pizza Man: "How are you going to pay for all of this?"

Agent: "I have my checkbook right here."

Pizza Man: "And you're all FBI agents?"

Agent: "That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked."

Pizza Man: "I don't think so."[Click]

Funneh Thai Advertisements

2009-03-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, this post is gonna be on all the funny and creative Thailand's advertisement I ever found. So enjoy it.

Anyone play Audition?the online dance game.You be shocked if you saw this ad on it.hahas

Robbers robbing a Bank?On second thoughts...

Ever wonders how a kind of e-z link type of card would be useful in shopping?
Here are 2 example:

Ok that shall be all for this post.
Stay tune for more funny jokes or even video on the next post. =D

Truth & Facts Tag

2009-03-30T16:42:00.000-07:00

Ok.. This post is nothing funneh..Basically tag by someone close to me
So no choice but to post it..Anyway on my next post will be full of more jokes
and maybe many funny pictures or something..

Here the post BEGINS:

70 Truths

[ Own information ]

1. Real name: An-De-Li

2. Nickname(s): None?

3. Age: 18 going to 19.Sian getting older..=.=

4. Horoscope: Taurus!Moo~

5. Male or female: Gong!

6. Primary sch: Macpherson Primary

7. Secondary sch: Damai Secondary

8. Poly or jc: Poly

9. University: Depends.

10. Hair colors: A bit of white, abit of brown and whole lots of black

11. Long or short hair: Neither short nor long~

12. Loud or quiet: Sometimes quiet sometimes hyper.

13. Sweats or jeans: Jeans

14. Phone or camera: Both Duh!?

15.Stay at where:

16. Drink or smoke: Drink.

17. Have a crush on someone NOW?: Yes!lols

18. Eat or drink: both?

19. Piercings: None

20. Tattoos currently: nope

21. Social or anti-social: Dunno

[ First ]

22. First piercing: None.

23. First relationship: with her.

24. First award: School

25. First best friend: Gregory

26. First kiss: Nope..too guai liao..lols

27. First pet: Happy, my pet dog..Die of illness

28. First big vacation: uhh,Thailand,Bangkok?

29. First love at first sight: not sure?

30. First hug: Yeah.

[ Currently ]

31. Eating: nth

32. Drinking: nth

33. Excitement lvl: Currently, Super low.Just woke up and saw this tag=.=

34. About to: eat CAMILLE the BABI.

35. Listening to: Birds Chirping feelings towards a certain someone; u shld noe i jst told u hw i felt.]

36. Plan for today: Slack..thinking now if wanna go school later.

37. Waiting for: Her!

38. Energy lvl: Low. Tired la aiyo.

39. Thinking of someone: Yes!Her!

[ Future ]

40. Want kids?: Yeah 2 best if twins

41. Want to get married?: Yeah, it a blessing to get married with the one you love.

42. Careers in mind: Chef, my own restaurant.

43. Lips or eyes?: eyes?

44. Romantic or funny?: Both.

45. Protective or caring?: Both bah..

46. Romantic or spontaneous: Both, but more on the romantic lols

47. Nice stomach or nice arms: BOTH!

48. Sentitive or loud?: Sensitive.

49. Hook-up or relationship?: Relationship

50. Troublemaker or hestitant?: hesistant

[ Have you ever.. ]

51. Lost glasses or contacts: Didn lost..but break..=.="

52. [ Only for Boys ] Did eu drop ur balls?: erm..sensitive question OF COS NOT=.="

53. Ran away from home: Once?

54. Held a gun/knife for self-denfence: Once?

55. Kill somebody: Not in real life

56. Broken someone's heart: Nope..Always been the one that is being broke

57. Been arrested: by my own conscious?

58. Cried when someone dead: Nope..

59. Missed someone alotalot NOw: yes..but what the point? hais

[ Do you believe in.. ]

60. Yourself: at times.

61. Love at first sight: depends

62. Heaven: does it even exists?scientifically?

63. Santa claus: If there is present i would believe =.=

64. Tooth fairy: believe once..dun remb when

65. Kiss in the first date: maybe?Hope so..

66. HELL: Dun want to believe.. cause i might be going there is there is one.

[ Answer Truthfully ]

67. Are eu afraid of death: Duh!?Who don't?

68. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now:Yes! You!

69. Are eu seriously happy with where eu in life now?: Nope!

70. Do eu belive in god? Only when i have nothing to believe in.

Toilet Poems & Ad

2009-03-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

Ok if you think Poet like ' LI BAI ' is great wait till you see the new generation of poems..
I think that it perfectly true to most of the people

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in
toilets.

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different
purpose...

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come
here to scratch my balls ,
And read the bulls! hit on the walls...

Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please

Please Help share my blog too your friends..so They can have their share of laughter too.
=D

NAME?

2009-03-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

Ever wonders why some of our chinese friends don't have christian names?
OK here the answer : ( sorry for those who can't speak or undertand Chinese ) too bad! =)

Anne Chang ( Mandarin )- Dirty
Anne Chin ( Mandarin ) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen ( Mandarin ) - Dusty
Carl Cheng ( Hokkien ) - Buttock
Monica Cheng ( Hokkien ) - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow ( Hokkien ) - You are dead
Jane Tan ( Mandarin ) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow ( Hokkien ) - Lost till death
Corrine Tai ( Hokkien ) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan ( Mandarin ) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan ( Mandarin ) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong ( Mandarin ) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Tng ( Hokkien ) - Leg hair long
Danny See ( Hokkien ) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng ( Hokkien ) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai ( Hokkien ) - Nose droppings
Macy Koh ( Cantonese) - Never die before

PRIMARY SCHOOL QUESTIONS

2009-03-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

OK below content is abit dirty depending on how your think..hahas..

A primary school teacher was having trouble with one of her student.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1.

My sister is in Primary 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary 3 too!"

The teacher took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Primary 1, and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in. The conditions were explained, and Harry agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?”

Harry: "36"?

And so it went with every question the principal thought a Primary 1 student should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her “I think Harry can go to Primary 3."

The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some tougher questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two?"

Harry: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, and it is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

(The principal's e open really wide and before he could stop the answer....)

Harry: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and dog do on three legs?"

(The principal's e open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?

Harry: "A Tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." What am I?

(Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)

Harry: "A Wedding Ring."

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good." What am I?

Harry: "A Nose."

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver." What am I?

Harry: "An Arrow."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put this ass in Primary 6! "I got the last 10 questions all wrong myself."

AIR INDIA

2009-03-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

> WELCOME TO AIR INDIA !
>
> "Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain MUTHU.
> Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air India . We
> apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather
> and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
>
> This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we
> will end up somewhere in India . And, if luck is in our favor, we may
> even be landing on your village!
>
> Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards
> are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
>
> It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our
> passengers have reached their destination only...
>
> If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange
> to turn them off!
>
> To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve
> complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw....toseii...mutu mayamm..
>
> For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
> you find out if there really is a God..out there..!
>
> We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as
> we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs,
> we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie
> will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
>
> There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
> cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
> down!
>
> In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible
> for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know.
>
> Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
>
> Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and
> fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,
> kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you
> who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess
> who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
>
> ENJOY AIR INDIA !
> RELAX...enjoy now the sound track.." kuch kuch hota hey..!!!!"

Hope all enjoy the thing I post..
Please tag..so at least i know still got ppl see, or else very sian..hahas =D

JOKES

2009-03-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

ok.. deleted that emo post already..
Sorry to spoil anyone mood who read that...
today post shall be purely jokes..

TITANIC IS GONNA DROWN!!

"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."

Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God... Just then a Italian asks the nearby Captain in the ship.

Italian : How far is land, from here ?

Captain : Two miles ..

Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.

The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.

Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?

Captain : Downwards ...!

ok..and for those guys who dunno how to kao zhar bor...
this are same pick up lines for you to use..

#10 Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.

#9 Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautiful.

#8 Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

#7 I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

#6 You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me.

#5 Giant polar bear (What?) It's an icebreaker. Hi, my name is....

#4 Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

#3 I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?

#2 Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.

#1 You say "I bet you $20 I can kiss you without using my lips." She says, "Bet's on." You kiss her then say, "I lost."

> The End <

2009-02-23T09:23:00.000-08:00

To anyone who still viewing my blog =)

HOLIDAY LIAO!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAS

Will starts to blog more often cause previously too busy with projects and EXAMS!!!
Here your explanation STUPID CHERIE!!! =X
hahas just kidding.. =p

2009-01-19T03:37:00.000-08:00

This is what I'm Feeling now:
(warning this post no funny or interesting pictures ) =(

我知道故事不會太曲折
wo zhi dao gu shi bu hui tai qu zhe
I know this story is pretty straightforward

我總會遇見一個什麼人
wo zong hui yu jian yi ge shen me ren
I will find someone

陪我過沒有了她的人生
pei wo guo mei you le ta de ren sheng
To accompany me along the life without her

成家立業之類的等等
cheng jia li ye zhi lei de deng deng
Settle down, good career and everything

她做了她覺得對的選擇
ta zuo le ta jue de dui de xuan ze
Since she's made the choice she thinks is right

我只好祝福她真的對了
wo zhi hao zhu fu ta zhen de dui le
I can only give her my blessings

愛不到我最想要愛的人
ai bu dao wo zui xiang yao ai de ren
I can't love the person that I really want to

誰還能要我怎樣呢
shui hai neng yao wo zhen me ne
What else can I do?

我愛的人不是我的愛人
wo ai de ren / bu shi wo de ai ren
The person I love is not my lover

她心裡每一寸都屬於另一個人
ta xin li mei yi cun / dou shu yu ling yi ge ren
Every inch in her heart has been taken by the other person

她真幸福幸福得真殘忍
ta zhen xin fu / xin fu de zhen can ren
She's really happy and this happiness is cruel

讓我又愛又恨她的愛怎麼那麼深
rang wo you ai you hen / ta de ai zen me na me shen
Makes me love and hate how can her love be that deep

我的愛人她已有了愛人
wo de ai ren / ta yi you le ai ren
The person I love has a lover

從他們的眼神說明了我不可能
cong ta men de yan shen / shuo ming le wo bu ke neng
The look in their eyes tells it all, it's impossible for me

每當聽見她或他說(我們)
mei dang ting jian / ta huo ta shuo (wo men)
Everytime I hear them use 'we'

就像聽見愛情永恆的嘲笑聲
jiu xiang ting jian ai qing / yong heng de chao xiao sheng
It's just like love, laughing at me, eternally

SEXY or PERVERT?

2009-01-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

Happens to find this few pictures on other people blog..hahas
It actually, the Famous ' Wu Pi Gao ' Medication ointment
But it not like those in Singapore Advertisement..
I like the creativities of this advertisement Company..
It is SEXY or Pervert?
Depends on how you see things..hahas..

Any way gonna make it short for today...Will update as soon as possible on

more interesting things..But still its depend on my mood..

2008-12-19T10:56:00.000-08:00

Ok.. starting to blog back..
Nothing have been going well for me ya...
Love, Camille fall for another guy..
Kinship, Zoe mei disown me cause of her mum...
I wonders what's next? Friendship..
I beginning to see it's happening..
I already started to drift away from majority of my friends..Except one. IVOR
hahas.. But I can see that our distance is getting further as each day passed as well...
So...I dunno what to do or feels... Nothing goes right for me..
I feels like suicide some of the times, maybe I getting depression soon...hais..
Should I start on Cigarette?Looks relax to me, though it against my principle.
Ok... Shall not include too much of my emotions inside this blog ya..
Let starts...

Firstly

Love is a wonderful thing, it could makes you the most happiest man/woman in the word..
Or also the vice versa.
Love is so wonderful that even starts to affects small animals..Look below..

GOOD-CHEAP-FAST

The guy who create this package is a genius!

Can be implement at Geylang..hahas

Anyone can tell me what this sign means? It shows the type of ppl that you should let your seats for...Most of the Singaporean can only understand the 3rd one..

YESMAN
Before I went to school, this is a movie that I highly recommends..
4/5
if you need a good laugh after a tired school shedules that is the movie for you.

WHAT TIME IS IT? IT'S BABIES' TIME

2008-12-03T02:30:00.000-08:00

Have been busy with alots of proposal, webapp, psychology and netfund....
FINALLY, some of it is finished.
So have some spare time to blog now.. =]
Here are some Cute Babies pictures...
=]

These few are when babies are trying to do adult's stuff..hahas

Aren't they cute?hahas.. so obscene ..hahas
It's nice to be young... =]

I like this one best..hahas...Wow..substitute rum for milk..

dunno if she really drink it, but she look drunk..hahas

Thinking that 18 years old is too early for taking bike license?

take a look at that!?

The rest is babies with animals...

Dunno what to comments...Just plain cute...

Hahas.. this one also best... they behave the same..

CUTE RIGHT!?

Hahas... that all for today post..
Will change my jobs at my Joke section soon...
Be sure to take a look...=]

SHAG

2008-11-27T04:13:00.000-08:00

Ok, today busy busy..
Just no time to post...
Just updated the Joke Section..
Go see it when you are free

Busy Day

2008-11-26T07:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, although I have so much things left to do today, I will still try to take out sometime to blog about something except not about my life.

Found some pictures shows funny items.

This one is about chen shui bian , if you still dunno him. He is the China's president
See how much they hate him!? Lols..

Japan is the starter of almost all the fashion trend in the world, and let see what their 'new ' trend.

I bet it the saviour for those who have you know small '...'
Can keep you warm some more sia..hahas

End of post..Need to rush Webdesign thingy

Tiring Day

2008-11-24T08:12:00.000-08:00

Shall Post tomorrow, finding more interesting pictures to post.

New Blog

2008-11-22T10:20:00.000-08:00

Ok, Just change my blogskin, plus my BlogLink as well.
Sorry for all my friends, need you guys and girls to change the link again
Anyway, Kinda bored and nothing to do, so decided to change everything
and just start anew ya.
ok let just start with something that I dun usually do. PICTURES.
But not mine.

Some Funny Pics that taken at Eygpt:

this toliet sign..funny right? It is not wrong in a sense.

Are they really that dumb ? that they even lost their common sense?

But there are case of Singaporean also dumb thought that need to press up

to get the lift to come up, then press down again to go down..-.-"

So cannot say there is no point to this instruction.ya?

It was suppose to be'Check' Point,but... -.-

One day only got 24 hrs..how are they suppose to open 25 hrs?LOLS!!!

Kinda random today, might have more pictures to share with all the viewers.

Going to spread the link now..-.-